how I know I motherhood has taken its toll

Last fall, a good friend of mine and her boyfriend came to visit Asheville. We hadn't seen each other in about five years, and apparently, before we met for brunch, she was having some jitters--she had gained too much weight, or gotten too wrinkly, whatever.

"Don't worry," her boyfriend said reassuringly. "Deb's had three kids. She probably looks like shit."

I laughed so hard when I heard this. Because sometimes the truth hurts, and other times it's just really funny.

Here are just a few of the many signs that motherhood has indeed taken its toll, and in so many ways:
1. Tonight while plating a lovely dinner of Annie's and hot dogs, I anticipated that at least one child would complain that the hot dog was touching the pasta. Ah-ha! I thought to myself. I'll just tell him that makes it taste gooder.
2. My boobs resemble string beans from nursing on and off for the last five years.
3. All my jeans have holes in the knees from crawling around on the playroom floor.
4. In the summertime, I get callouses on my knees from crawling around on the playroom floor.
5. I can't do subtraction anymore.
6. When I get a boo-boo, I say, "Ow-ee."
7. I've started to wear diapers.

Just kidding--I swear!--about that last part. But the rest is totally for real.