we did vow honesty

Several weeks ago, Stupid Daddy and I were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. He leaned over to kiss the top of my head.

"You smell really bad," he said.

"REALLY?" I said, jerking away from him.

"Yeah." He leaned over and sniffed some more. "You know what you smell like? You know when you haven't flossed your teeth in a while and then you floss finally and it comes out just smelling completely nasty? That's what you smell like. Are you using a different shampoo?"

Yes, I thought. That's exactly it. I'm using a different shampoo: Avalon Organics Lavender and Dental Floss Funk. Now with extra ass!

"Oh my GOD!" I said, jerking away again. I extended my arm to him. "What about here?"

He leaned over and breathed in deeply. "Yep, there too."

"So my entire body smells like dental floss funk."

"Yeah, pretty much."

We stood there for a while contemplating a cause other than a change in beauty and hygiene products, even though that was a really good idea on his part. I thought it might have something to do with the copious amounts of fish oil I'd been consuming, but after several more deep inhalations, he confirmed that no, there wasn't even a note of fish in the odor; it really was just exclusively dental floss funk.

I spent the rest of the evening in self-imposed exile, trying not to think about the cloud of disgustingness that surrounded me. The next day, even after a shower, Stupid Daddy said I still stunk. But by night I was, according to his report, back to normal.

So we'll never know what it was. I'm just glad it's over with, though I have to say, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to smell it myself.