Sunday, June 3, 2007


Thank you so much, Mom, for cleaning our embarrassingly slovenly house and yard this morning. This task was of the utmost importance.

Yes, it’s true--technically speaking--that you were charged with the task of watching Ezra and Lilah while Stupid Daddy ran an errand and I was off on a play date with Levi. And, yes, when Stupid Daddy came back and asked about Lilah's whereabouts, you were so busy tidying you had lost track of her, and it turned out she was headed down the alley behind the house. Sure, that was a trifle concerning. Cars go down that alley. There is broken glass. It leads to a main street. She is 20 months old.

But that was no big deal. I'm not one to split hairs. At least those dastardly boxes got broken down. What an eyesore! At least the front porch got swept! Dirt and dust are just so icky, and they (potentially) contain lots of toxins, which you wouldn't want your granddaughter to come in contact with--IF YOU HAD ANY FUCKING IDEA WHERE SHE WAS!

Also, Ezra is definitely too skinny and too short, and offering him/chasing him around with/talking about the wonders of food every five minutes is probably an excellent strategy for getting him to grow five inches overnight and gain five pounds. And in general, it’s critical that nothing, I mean nothing, impede the ingestion of calories.

That’s why it was so awesome, when I dropped off the boys at your vacation cottage at lunch time and Levi was having some separation anxiety and crying hysterically at the front door as I pulled away, that you opted not to comfort him because at that very same moment Ezra was ready for lunch. Yes, Levi was still crying when I came back twenty minutes later, after you called to say he had to go home. But at least Ezra was enjoying his turkey sandwich!

I think he has grown an inch already.

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