Tuesday, September 11, 2007

but I do clean up nice

For as long as we've been together, Stupid Daddy has been mystified by my reluctance to get clean. He showers every day, and sometimes again before bed because he feels too "sticky" to fall asleep. (Don't get me started on how he won't wear wool because it's "itchy" and won't put on new clothes until they've been washed because of the "chemicals.")

I, by contrast, often go two days without showering. It's not that I don't like being clean. It's that for me, showering represents a serious time commitment, and I'd rather be sleeping doing other things. Stupid Daddy can shower in less than a minute, literally, and actually get himself clean, with a few seconds left over for recreational attention to his anal area. My showers have hovered around the seven-minute mark, even without anal stimulation.

Once, a few years ago, I asked him to give me a play-by-play so that I could work on my technique. I stood in the bathroom while he narrated from behind the shower curtain. He made it sound so simple. And yet, even after the tutorial, and with serious focus, I couldn't shave even 30 seconds off my time.

I think the thing that really slows me down is my hair. There's that whole routine of getting hair caught on my fingers when I shampoo, and then picking the hair off my fingers and sticking it to the shower wall, and then sticking it back to the shower wall after it reattaches itself to my fingers, and if you've got long hair don't pretend for even a second that this isn't a challenge you grapple with all the time, and then the whole process has to be repeated with the application of the conditioner and then again with the rinsing of the conditioner, and my god, how is it that I'm not completely bald?

Time-consuming, I tell you. Add to that the collection and proper disposal of said hairs after the shower, and then the collection and proper disposal of new hairs caught in the hairbrush or gracing the sink, not to mention the whole moisturizing of flesh and blow-drying of bangs, and I really do begin to feel quite strongly that showering every couple of days is more than enough.

5 comments:

Stacy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacy said...

here's a trick: when you have those wet hairs all over your hands, just rub your palms together like your warming them over the fire. hairs clump into a little ball-y tangle that is much easier to manage.

how do I know this? 3x post-partum shower hair loss extravaganza.

Stacy said...

okay, dammit. you're. you are warming them over a fire. God, I hate typos.

Someday Scientist said...

oh man, I have short hair and even I do that. and it does take so much time.

but it's kind of OCD-ish, because you can't not... and you gotta pull 'em off one by one... O.o

and then when it's all stuck to the wall, you gotta swirl 'em all together so they're in a nice pile...

maybe i'm just weird...

skippy haha said...

i am the same way stupidmommy. i think we're being very 'green' by saving all this water. i also hate the whole wet hair strands in the shower issue so usually i wash my hair in the kitchen sink, and just wash myself in the shower. this winter ive taken way more showers than usual to warm myself up.