thanks but no thanks

"Mommy," Ezra asked me this morning. "Do you want 100 bucks?"

"What for?" I asked.

"Something expensive."

"Oh, okay. Sure."

"Here you go," he said, handing me two tickets from hell Chuck E. Cheese's that he had found in my bag. (I had stolen a bunch from the boys on our last visit there; there's a very special plastic piece of shit that I've got my eye on.)

"Oh, thanks," I said, taking the tickets from him. "These were the ones you guys were playing with yesterday, right?"

"Yeah," he said. "And my pajama bottoms didn't have any pockets, so I just kept them in my underwear."

I let go of those tickets pretty fast.