Wednesday, October 31, 2007

just your average wednesday morning

You know, the kind where a parent at your kid's school files a police report about you. You've had those Wednesdays, right?

I had just deposited Ezra (late) in the school lobby and gotten back into the car to drive the other two to preschool. There was a car idling in the very narrow drive leading to the street, and there was no way I could get past it.

I waited politely behind to see if the car would move. Then I tapped on my horn--one of those "hey, maybe you didn't see me behind you" taps. No response. I tapped a bit longer. Still no response. I honked--not quite a "get the fuck out of my way" honk, but perhaps an "I know you know I'm here waiting, now do something about it" honk.

The driver began gesticulating wildly into her rear view. So I got out of the car to ask her to move. She rolled down her window and introduced herself to me.

"You get any closer to the car and I'll knock your teeth out," were her exact words.

It escalated from there. I kept trying to ask her--though since she was yelling, I was yelling too--to just get out of the way, while she kept threatening me/accusing me of "deliberately" getting out of my car (well, Christ, I should hope so) and trying to provoke her/calling me a dumbass/asking me if I wanted to hit her.

We weren't communicating very well.

At one point she just decided to roll up her window and ignore me. I then, um, banged on her window. Not one of those "I'm trying to break your window" bangs, but perhaps a "Hey, lady, I'm not done talking, don't you shut your window on me" bang.

At which point she announced that she was going to call the police because I had just "assaulted" her car. At which point the assistant principal came out of the school and told her she had to move. At which point I thanked the assistant principal and made off with my two kids.

An hour or so later, I received a phone call at home from one of Asheville's finest. He asked for my side of the story, then told me, sounding very tired even though it was only 9:30, that the woman was "adamant about filing a report" and so he was obligated to do so.

"I can't imagine anything will come of this," he said with a sigh. "But here's the case number on the off chance you need it."

The woman was obviously kind of bonkers, and I'm upset that I didn't handle the situation as well as I might have. Why didn't I think of threatening to knock her teeth out first? Why did I use my bare hands to bang on the car window instead of grabbing the baseball bat from the back of the minivan?

For real, though, if I were somebody who was on Zoloft again and therefore nice, I'm sure I would have figured out how not to get into it with her. Dumbass.


BrianJ said...

Yeah, but you did. And...she's a complete bitch. And...nothing is likely to come of it. And...she deserved much worse and will likely get it from the next provocatee if she keeps pulling that kind of shit. Don't you love how friendly folks are in the south?

Ginny said... was Halloween...maybe her costume was 'Suburban Nutjob' and she was really, really into it? Sadly these crazies are everywhere. And always so sure they are right. Hope your kids had fun trick or treating!

family-of-five said...

right. I too have had altercations with kind and loving neighbors in the school driveway. I don't know what brings out the rudeness in people when you put them behind the wheel of a car and park it at the school, but, there you go. I remember one incident in particular (no police report was filed) that just completely infuriated me. I thought afterwards how crazy it was, given that our children go to the same school. I thought, "You don't know me. What if our children are friends? What kind of example are you setting?" And later, I found out whose grandmother she was: a boy who was totally crushing on Girlish. So there, you old cow.