a meme has come my way

The totally awesome Tina Rowley of Gallivanting Monkey has tagged me with the following meme.

1. I can’t believe I’ve never…
If my 40th birthday hadn't happened this February 1, I would have said, "I can't believe I've never had a shot." Because it was true! I had drunk myself silly on plenty of occasions, but I'd never actually done a shot of anything. Stupid Daddy fixed things that night, first ordering a shot of Patron, and then ordering me to drink it. I can't say how it went down, because I don't really remember anything after that point.

And now that that's happened, there's really nothing I can't believe I've never done. That I can think of right now. Oh. I can't believe I've never just fainted from the overwhelming love I feel for my kids when they're not being total assholes. Also, I can't believe I've never watched American Idol.

2. Every time I think about … I still cringe.
Oh, my god. Where to begin? I know! Every time I think about my Bat Mitzvah I still cringe. It was seventh grade, and I had just switched to a high-pressured, snooty, cliquey, rich kids' school, and even though the Bat Mitzvah was at the end of the school year, I still hadn't made any friends, in part because I had a stupid bookbag and didn't have pierced ears, let alone feather earrings, or Fiorucci jeans, or a Norma Kamali skirt, or those white Nikes with the red stripe and laces with tennis rackets on them. There were other reasons as well, I'm sure, but those were the ones I could identify.

And so my mom said, "Invite the kids you want to be friends with." I invited maybe 20 of the most popular girls (who, of course, blech!, I see that now), and a few of the boys who hung out with them. Amazingly, most of them actually attended. And I got a whole bunch of Lacoste shirts and Benetton sweaters as gifts, but I still had nothing to say to these kids, nor they to me, when Monday morning came.

3. I wish I’d …when I had the chance.
I wish I'd fucked all, or perhaps most of, those guys who apparently wanted to fuck me in college when my head was so far up my ass that I had no idea they were into me. It just would be nice to have lost my virginity a wee bit earlier than 22. And it would have been lots of fun.

Also, I wish I'd let my parents give me Helen Levitt print as a graduation present. I had written my senior thesis on her and they offered to buy me a print of my choosing, but like an idiot, I said, "No, no. My education was enough of a gift." Soon after, someone rediscovered her, and her prices spiked. A nicely framed Helen Levitt print sure would have looked awesome right over our sofa.

4. I’ve never felt so out of place as when I…
Actually, I feel out of place so often that I almost feel out of place when I don't feel out of place. But just off the top of my head, it happens every day I drop off Lilah and Levi at preschool. Basically, I'm really glad I've managed to brush my teeth, and there I am smiling and saying hi to a whole bunch of perfectly dressed, perfectly coiffed, perfectly made up doctor ladies and lawyer ladies on the way to their doctor and lawyer jobs.

5. … is my guiltiest pleasure.
Uh, that would be Snickers.

6. I hope … knows how grateful I am for …
I hope Joel knows how grateful I am for his friendship. I met him about 12 years ago when I was living in Cambridge. We dated for a few weeks, gave that up, and became best friends. He and I hung with each other through all kinds of shit. Okay, mostly, it was him hanging with me through my shit. But still. We talked about everything, for hours. He got married at the ripe old age of 43 last year, and his wife has not been too happy about our relationship, so we've drifted apart. I miss him.

7. In my darkest hours, I secretly blame … for my dysfunction.
I blame my mom, but not so secretly.

8. … changed my life forever.
Stupid Daddy changed my life forever. Without him, I never would have:
--gone on a vision quest;
--moved into a falling apart shithole shack in Vermont;
--learned how to use power tools;
--experienced extreme financial instability;
--enjoyed the company of someone who made me laugh so hard, and with such frequency, I had to start a notebook documenting the hilarity;
--been pushed and prodded into taking risks and figuring some basic shit out (though I'm still struggling with the rest of it)

Who do I tag? I tag you, Alyssa, again, because I love you and your boyfriend, and because you're doing lists anyway, although this isn't really a list per se, now that I think about it. (And I know you're just cringing because I didn't write, Whom do I tag?) And I tag you, Sara, because hi!, and I want to hear what you have to say. And I tag you, zen, just because.